Conversation With Her...

"Fukdat" is what i was told
"Fukdat"?!?!
Well fuckdat is what i said back
U left me cracked, once, but i put myself back together
Left me in cold weather
But i wore this sweater...this... shield
A shield that was supposed 2 block and make me invisible 2 u
but sum how u seep thru...well i let it happen
I took off the shield n said fukdat
Fukdat...it is what it is n i cant help but sho n tell u
Ill give my 100% n try not 2 fail u
Only 2 give my 100% n fall into...this...quiksand
YES it was quik damn!
But it was always in UR hands
And u kept it there until u felt like...
"Im not happy" was what i was told
Ur not happy?!?
Well im not happy eitha i sleep eat breathe ya
And u cant even give me an explaintion on why ya frown wasnt a smile
I stood up! And sat u down...time afta time...and u gave me the same ol lines!
"My personal opinion" is that the fault wasnt mine
But in ur eyes there was sumone else...
"Theres No TRUST" is what i was told
No Trust?!!?
NO trust was the 1st couple of months
But once i said...
HHOOOOOLLL AAHHH...lettme me not go to my " excuses "
Cuz that seems 2 be useless
That seems 2 go down the drain with the promise ring i got u 4 xmas
Now im back 2 square one callin u my X and ...the shit hurts!
And at first i said id neva say ya name again until my own childs birth
But one bad area of land doesnt end the earth

But 4 what its worth...i had a good conversation with "Her"
Well i guess i cud call ya name now " Love "
Hopefully next time we talk it'll be thru kisses and hugs and finally the feelings will be mutual...

#ON2THENEXTONE

i feel like i need to write...about what thou...like so oo much shit on my brain...it the begining of December and i recently got fired 4 not bein able 2 control my temper! i mean i was kinda fed up with the job anyways but was lookin and tryin 2 hold on to it until i found sumthin else...im feelin even worst then what i was feelin wen i had the job cuz im not gonna be able 2 get the gifts i wanna get 4 my pplz! fuck it! on 2 the next one!
My music career is movin slow as usual i feel as thou sumtimes all this hard work and money time bein put into this is gonna be all in vein!but i cant give up on it its like im so in love and have such passion 4 it i cant let it go...im like that wit alot of things...which leads me on 2 the next one...
My girl and i do a lot of arguin...i dont put blame on eitha side sumtimes i jus feel as thou we're not meant 2 be but our time spent 2gether makes me feel so fuckin good and happy but @ the same time the trust issue i feel is neva gonna go away...i really jus wanna make her happy and secure...n even thou we aren't on the same page cuz ive told her those words that comes from a warm place inside me n am by my lonely here (which REALLY DOESNT bother me now)but it makes it nearly impossible 2 even think about movin on 2 the next one...
A lot of ppl tell me i shud be thankful and happy 4 still bein able 2 have and make choices and that im still young well im 21 and a lot of times im not happy w.the choices and my current position in life...howeva i kno and always keep in mind that theres NOTHING i cud EVA do 2 CHANGE THE PAST! so i jus live 2day 4 2day and jus try and hope i make 2day the best i can so that 2morrow (if it comes) will be better...and wen im on 2 the next one 2morrow hopfully will be the 2morrow where i cud call my moms (Victoria Walker my heart and everything 4 which i am and live 4) and tell her that im makin her dream come tru and buyin her a house 2morrow and that my sisters (Sonjia, Shantell, & Samantha) and brother (Ronnie) newphews (Ty'shon & Kalib) and nicees (Ronni & Rianna) will have no more worries cuz their brother and uncle is makin sure they live good and anytime they thought about movin on 2 the next one wudnt really be a thought jus WHEN and WHERE...but im on 2 the next one...

uummm...who am I...??
Who r u...??
Who am i 2 u...
Who r u 2 me BUT anotha human bein that bleeds the same blood that i bleed but 4 sum reason feels the need 2 tell me what 2 do,
How 2 act,
How 2 wear my clothes,
Well fuck it if i wanna let me ass show then thats what im gon do!
Thats what its gon B C Dese people decide 2 take away my E 4 Effort and give me an F 4 thinkin imma G,
Gangsta,
Goon,
Gangbanga,
But what they fail 2 realize is imma GOOD...
Nigga!
With a good head on his shoulders and a Good brain 2 kno this
Sucess is key!
Knowledge is power!
N no i didnt get a scholar n go 2 college
But i do kno if i cud make that next dollar
my MILLIONTH DOLLAR...
Then that key 2 success will be in my wallet
Tucked in my back pocket
Locked wit a master lock kit
And the only way 2 unlock it is...with a kiss
LOL
See I turn my back and laugh at the non sense
Since...
NOT FINISHED JUS CAME TO MIND)

Well I'm usin this blogger site as my personal pen and pad...meanin u may see things unfinished...bein written n pieces...jus wateva comes that I feel like writing will be seen...I'm comin off of twitter got pretty boring and was also effecting other parts of my life but this shud be better anyways...not limited 2 " 140 chars " so I feel more free and @ home and with sum kind of privacy still...let's see if this outlet helps...haha

Lifes Shades...

The color of my thoughts wud have 2 be hunger!
Simply cuz I'm tired of strugglin, havin 2 worry bout how much section 8 gon pay on the rent
N to make sure we have enuff 2 pay the otha half n put a lil food n the fridge
N food 4 thought is
Neva put more on ya plate than u can eat
Too much on my mind I can't sleep...so I smoke
The color of the dollar bill becuz it paint my thoughts a mellow yellow
But sumtimes that's jus too bright so I spread sun tan lotion across my head
Cuz if I let the real color get 2 me it'll be a satan red
That'll dry up 2 be a killer purple
I got a strong mind not meant 2 hurt u
N I was always told 2 dream BIG
But wen dealing wit nightmares a.k.a
REALITY!!
The color of those dreams seem so far away its like thoughts gon missin,
thoughts gon fishin,
thoughts keep pissin...me the fuck off cuz outta these brown eyes I cud see ppls tru colors which is Jealously,
Hate,
Envy,
N all I want is 1 colored thought 2 be happy
But that mission seems 2 be impossible
Esp wen u have a million thoughts around u talkin bout u ain't gon be shit,
U not gon make it,
u don't have it in u...!
Well let me give those my thought menu
See 4 no cost @ all Id serve u 2 middle fingers,
My ass 2 kiss,
And a dessert plate of success
Cuz I refuse 2 see the colored thought of failure
N seen 2 many of my friends locked in silver handcuffs
Put so far beneath us
Their loudest screams cudnt be heard...let alone their thoughts
Leave alone my thoughts they may not conincide with urs but mine too have fought 4 its independence...july 4th
So until my bruised scared thoughts have healed up
Inside this black ink is where they'll be stuck...